iT's aLL aBoUt uS...

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

hey it's me.. i'm supposed to be anonymous here, so u all should know who i am.. haha
anyway, i'm supposed to be here to update you all on what happened on last fri when i went out. hmm.. i don't know where to start from... aiyah i'm always not good at descriptive essays, so now i also don't know how to describe everything to you all.. anyway, remember you all saw my msges the other day. so actually from then till last fri, we actually din really talk about anything regarding what he told me in the msges. so on fri when we were eating dessert, he asked me how i felt about everything up to that point of time la. aiyoh i tell u, this is the first time i'm asked to handle such things and i'm really bad at handling this kind of things. hmm.. haha guess wad, i kept quiet for a while cos i really don't know how to put the correct words together and tell him how i felt. then he said that i don't have to worry abt hurting his feelings if it's really a one-sided thing and he really can't tell how i feel abt everything if i don't say out. also said that sometimes it's very hard for him to decipher how i feel.. he also thinks that we're more than just friends cos we do hang out too often and stuff.. haiyah, i think our problem is that we do not have common friends, so when we go out it will be just the 2 of us, so it's very hard to just build friendship without complicating things. so i said something like that: " put it this way, it's not that i'm not interested at all, what is pulling me back is that we have different faiths in God.". i also mentioned that i'm actually waiting for God to tell me whether is it a right relationship in God's eyes.. haha wat do you all think of what i said??

anyway, i think he sort of mentioned that he didn't really expect that that was the thing that was pulling me back but he will respect me for that la. then he told me that he actually hinted that he wants to go to church by saying that he wants to come my church. then i told him that i don't want him to go back to church just for me, i want him to go back to church just for God, not for me. ok i know u all must think that i'm very hard to please but seriously i just want everything that i'm doing to be right with God, cos God's really the only one i want to please and God's done so much for me i just can't turn my back against him and just go on and pursue what i like.

haha ok now for some lighter-hearted stuff.. then after that he just asked me whether i could tell that he was interested in me prior to telling me himself. then haha i said yar la, i'm not stupid, i could tell.. but i think he started liking even before i could tell la..

then yesterday, i think i did something not so nice to him but i had to la.. i'm really guilty when he treats me so nice yet i don't do anything nice in return.. aiyah i really don't know how la.. anyway, i needed those old kind of white school shoes for my dance then i couldn't find it myself.. then yesterday he went around his house area to help me find and spent a lot of effort la cos u all know, i have huge feet, so it's not easy to find my size.. yup .. so he met me after my dance prac at night to pass me the shoes.. i just feel very guilty when he's so nice to me.. and ah.. i don't understand why i keep seeing ppl i know when i go out with him.. then i always get that kind of weird looks from my friends and sometimes i really think i should just pretend i don't see my friends and i'll save myself from all the weird looks la.. ok anyway, the important thing is, last night when i reached home i msged him and told him to really just treat me as a friend cos i'm really guilty when he's so nice to me yet i cannot do anything in return for him. he replied that he's hurt by wat i said but he understands and said he knows it's not my fault.. hmm.. i don't know what to reply so i din reply and left it as that.. i don't know if i have made things worse by not replying..

actually i really feel very bad but i don't know what to do.. i just need time to think and pray about it. i also don't know whether should i still keep going out with him cos if i do, things may even get more complicated but if i don't then i think it'll become very strain between us..

ok la this is all for now.. u all satisfied?? don't say i never update my life here for you all to read.. ok i shall not leave my name behind..haha

blogged @ 5:57 PM